I ran away from my life and came back calmer

I didn’t realize it had been the entire summer since I blogged. Shame on me. Ah well, we do the best we can, right? I’ll try to turn over a new leaf and blog more now that back to school is in sight.

I had a stressful summer. My half-time job has really ramped up, and the stress levels with it. I’m only supposed to put in two days in their offices, but it’s been at least three nearly every day this summer, and there is so much going on, I spend hours every weekend dealing with stuff.

And then there are the boys. My kids are adorable and loveable and I really enjoy them — some of the time. But there have been a lot of points this summer when I thought I would lose my mind, when I wanted to crawl into a hole, and I’m not ashamed to admit, when they drove me to tears. The worst was a two-week period when hubby went away. One or other of my kids was sick the whole time, which of course means extra whiny and hard to deal with. And both were cranky and ill-behaved. I thought our two weeks without dad would be extra fun, but instead when he fianlly came back I was burned out. Work didn’t help, of course (see above).

Anyhow, we had set aside a week for a family driving holiday, but hubby was jetlagged and behind at work and frankly, I wasn’t up to it. So we went away as a family for a weekend, and then on one week’s notice, I booked myself a getaway.

I knew I wanted something calming, and while I wanted to go alone, I didn’t want to be by myself. So I decided a tour group would be ideal, and something mildly athletic seemed the ticket. I found a wonderful kayaking trip with a cancellation in the week I wanted, and just like that, booked it. There were not-terribly-expensive flights to the island town that the tour went out of, and the tour company takes care of nearly everything. So I spent six days on Northern Vancouver Island and four days kayaking on Johnstone Strait.

I loved it. The people were nice but I had lots of time to myself. The campsite was lovely and we even had a hot tub overlooking the ocean. We saw whales (Orcas and humpback), a bear, seals, dolphins, porpoises, sea stars, anemones, and lots more I’m forgetting. The paddling was pretty easy, and I seemed to be one of the stronger paddlers anyhow. The whole experience was lovely and I felt so calm and under-stimulated (in a good way) while I was there.

While I thought the best part would be escaping my family, it turned out that the very best part was escaping work. There is no cell service where I was, so for six days, I was cut off and maintained radio silence. And you know what — nothing happened. The world went on without me, nothing bad happened, no clients quit or got mad. Sure, my kids didn’t see a vegetable the whole time that wasn’t covered with ketchup, and even they said they were tired of watching tv while in daddy’s care, they were all in one piece when I got back.

For five days after I returned I didn’t even yell at my kids. Of course, on the sixth day I did, and work is starting to stress me out again. But I try to recapture the calm I felt as often as I can.

Running away was the best thing I ever did for myself. I don’t know why I haven’t done it sooner. Where shall I run to next year?

Is it really a vacation if you take your laptop?

As I draft this, I’m on holiday. We are taking our annual trip to the island to enjoy an extended weekend at the seaside. And as usual, the weather sucks. We come here every year (my mother-in-law owns a cabin we get to pull out of the rental pool once a year before high season), and while we love it here, we almost always get so-so or bad weather. It’s not that the weather is bad here, it’s usually absolutely gorgeous. Just rarely the weekends we come. This year it’s raining and cool. Whoopee.

But we’re away, and that in itself is nice. It took us a ferry ride to get here (and thanks to bad planning, a two-hour wait for the next ferry when we missed our reserved ferry by 15 minutes), but the kids were in okay moods and I managed to feel a bit relaxed en route. Yet now I’m on my laptop, following up with work stuff, checking in with the baseball team I coach, and drafting blog entries to post next week. So is it a vacation if I fail to unplug?

I often with I had one of those careers or jobs where I could walk away for a week or two and not have it all fall apart without me. But I’m a consultant, and if I’m not in touch, I could easily have no work, or at least, no income. Plus, I think I’m just one of those type-a people who needs to stay on top of things, even if I’m not doing much work. I want to know that I’m not missing anything.

I have unplugged before. I turned off my email and didn’t even check it for five days when we went to Mexico. And our lakeside cabin last summer had no internet or cell service, so I didn’t have any emails for five days that holiday. And of course I survived, and so did my business. But I don’t know if it made me any more relaxed.

Taking a long weekend right now necessitates having my laptop to follow up on some work. It’s the only way I could get away. And I’m lucky that my work is this portable. Besides, having my laptop means the kids can play games, we can watch movies and listen to music, and I can get some writing in. Those are all things that help relax me.

Yeah, I’m justified staying plugged in, and it’s not all about work. Let’s go with that.

Tomorrow I’ll try to avoid the laptop and spend more time walking on the gorgeous beach. If the rain stops.

All baseball, all the time

I feel like my whole life lately is about baseball. Okay, there’s work in there too, but outside of work, it’s all baseball.

I coach my nine-year-old’s little league team. We are playing (I think I can say “we” as the coach, can’t I?) at a higher level this year, where the kids pitch, they can steal bases, and they practice a lot. In fact, between games and practices, we have baseball 4-5 times a week. Every week. For nine weeks!

And my son is a pretty good ball player, and he’s one of our team’s pitchers. But he needs to work at it, and practice. And that means I’m expected to find extra time at home to practice with him. But I have no extra time these days, mostly because of his baseball schedule!

We took a weekend away recently. It was fun, but not especially relaxing. And where did we go? To Seattle, to watch a Mariners Major League Baseball game.

I’m also trying to organize an outing for a large group of kids and adults. Where to, you ask? Why, to a baseball game to watch the Vancouver Canadians!

At least this week it looks like I have an evening to myself. And how will I spend it? I’ve been asked to sub for an adult team’s softball team. So yup, night off and I’ll be playing — you guessed it — baseball.

Good thing I like baseball.

I am now an Olympic booster — or how I met two skating superstars in one day

The view from our seats as Patrick Chan skates

I admit to being a bit cynical about the Olympics taking place in my backyard. I’ve never been much for crowds, and as the mom of two young kids, late night concerts and parties don’t mean much to me. Yes, we had won the lottery and have tickets to two hockey games this weekend — one men and one women — to which we’re taking the kids. But I wasn’t all that keen on joining the throngs crowding downtown. But all that changed for me on Tuesday.

The other tickets we’d gotten were two of the cheap ($250!) seats for figure skating, for Men’s Short program. My friend bought my second ticket, as hubby is not interested in skating and I’m not interested in spending that kind of money on one of my young kids. And going to that event Tuesday has totally changed my perspective.

First, the ride there. The boys have been getting excited about trading Olympic pins, ever since we got started on Granville Island last weekend. So I wore a few pins on my scarf and approached a few people for trades on the bus. And got some great ones! Then, as we were riding on the second bus that would take us to the Coliseum, the driver was calling for people to move to the back of the bus, but a man was blocking the aisle. Turns out he was signing autographs, because ELVIS STOJKO WAS ON THE BUS!!

Me & Elvis

He got pushed to the back and we followed. He was so nice and gracious, and singed my ticket, and let me take this photo.

And then for the entire ride there, on a public bus, Elvis held court and answered everyone’s questions, talking about what he’s up to now, and giving us commentary on the competitors we were about to see. It was an amazing experience. My friend joked that maybe Elizabeth Manley would be on our bus back.

Then we got off the bus, and even though we had to walk about 2 km around the PNE to get to the Colliseum, no one complained. Security was no big deal, there was live entertainment as we walked, and everyone — everyone!! — was happy.

Our seats were very high up, but we could see, and it was fine. The energy was wonderful. Yes, the food was expensive, but not horribly so, and there were healthy choices. Yes, there were lines for food and washrooms, but they were moving very quickly, so no problem.

Me & Liz

The skating was lovely and exciting, and we really enjoyed being there. And then I went to use the washroom. As I was exiting to wash my hands, a woman came in the exit and asked if she could cut in line as she was on t.v. I didn’t  see her at first, but washed my hands slowly so I could see who it was when she came out. And incredibly, it was Elizabeth Manley, and she let me take her photo.

Honestly, I didn’t think I’d get into this, but now I totally am. Go to an event — there are tickets on sale at the box office at the venue. It’s really worth it. And who knows who you’ll meet!

Working on a Sunday

It’s a quiet day around my house today, with the boys buried in books and toys. Since I rarely get time alone at home anymore where I’m not swamped with work, I thought about hanging out, watching tv, reading a book. But what did I do instead? I worked.

Yes, I sent a proposal to a new client, wrote a blog entry and letter to the editor for another, and even did a phone interview for a third. Am I a work-a-holic?

Possibly, although I’d prefer to think that having done these assignments today, I’ll have a bit of spare time during the workweek. Time when I’ll be the only home, when I won’t be overwhelmed with work and can take an extended lunch hour. To read, watch tv, or exercise.

Sounds good. Wonder if I’d follow through…

I love the mini luxury of a pedicure

I am not a spa person, much. I’m not one for facials, and manicures are wasted on me, as I scrape the polish within the first two days. But give me a pedicure, and I’m yours for life. Well, maybe just for the day. Still.

I had my first pedicure when I was pregnant. A friend suggested it when I was complaining about not being able to bend over and hence unable to even cut my own toenails (cut, heck, I could barely see my toes!). And I was hooked.

I used to go in for the really deluxe pedicures, the expensive ones with the hot wax treatment and the hour long foot massage (well, it felt like an hour!). But budgets being what they are, I’ve now found a cheaper option that I can access more frequently. You know those nail bars that have popped up on every corner? They do wonderful pedicures for about $35, which means I can get one every month. And it’s a little me time that I really need.

I had a pedicure last weekend, and invited a friend. It was lovely to have a chance for us to catch up, as we never get time to see each other. And while we chatted, a wonderful esthetician cleaned my feet, shaped my nails and rubbed my legs. And we got to sit in comfy massage chairs and soak our feet in hot soapy water. To me, this was an hour of heaven.

Just one hour, mind you. Then I had to go home and make dinner.

I want a sick day

I’m ill. Not H1N1 ill, but I am congested, tired, my nose and head feel heavy and all I want to do is lie down.

But that is not to be for this mommy/consultant. Children need to be fed and sent off to school, soccer, swimming. bed and the like. Client deadline demand I keep working, and my part time job demands that I go into the office. I spend most of my day alone in my office anyhow, so it’s not like I’m infecting others. But I really want a sick day.

I want to stay home and do nothing but lie on the couch and watch soap operas (are they still on anymore?). I want someone else to bring me chicken noodle soup and books to read. I want someone to take care of me.

But no, today I’m at the office, after getting the boys ready for school early, dropping them off then busing here. Then after work I have a training session I must attend for a client. If I’m lucky I’ll be home before 9. And tomorrow doesn’t seem like a day I can take off either.

Sometimes being a self-employed mommy stinks.

A glimpse into suburban mom life

Generally,  I work full time. I may be self-employed, and may get to make my own hours, but I tend to put in nearly 40 of them during a work week. Or more.

My kids attend school in a rather affluent neighborhood, and sometimes I feel like one of the only working moms at the school. All the other mommies seem to have time to volunteer for field trips, drive their kids to activities right after school, and personal time, for stuff like manicures and boot camp workouts. I barely even get to the class, since I often drop the kids at before care and always pick them up at aftercare. I know I sound petty and jealous, but well, I guess I am.

Don’t get me wrong — I couldn’t be a stay-at-home mom. I know my own limitations. I love my kids, but if I couldn’t go to work, or at least have the intellectual escape of work, I’d go nuts. I don’t have the stamina or patience to be a stay-at-home mom. Many’s a day I wish I did, but I don’t.

Still, I partly envy the other mommies at my school. They have time, now that our kids are in school, to do stuff by themselves during the school day. They can shop alone, they can workout, and most of all, they have time for other mommies, time to make and nurture friendships. I don’t, and I often feel quite left out when all the other mommies gather and giggle, and I don’t get the jokes.

Anyhow, last week, I mentioned this in passing to a mom from my son’s class, and she was very understanding. In fact, she suggested that perhaps I could join her and a couple other moms for a weekly exercise class. Normally I would have had to say no, but this one actually fit into my schedule. At least it did last week. So I came. And I feel like I entered another world, a world of suburban moms which I had only ever glimpsed or seen on tv before.

This class, a 75 minute boot camp (not as hard as it sounds!), is taught by a mom in her converted garage. It’s a great workout studio space, packed with balls and bars and weights and stuff. And a dozen moms turned up for this class. They were all fit and trim. During the class, we paired up, and every pair chatted away as they did the circuit. I eavesdropped a lot, and heard about soccer, girl guides, school fundraisers, canning, and other mom talk.

It was a fun class, and I enjoyed spending time with the mommies I knew and meeting the ones I didn’t. But it all seemed kind of surreal, like I was allowed temporary entree into another world, a world we working moms don’t get to live in. Yes, I take my kids to soccer and lessons, and I even cook and can food sometimes. But I don’t normally get a lot of time to discuss any of it with other mommies. Because I’m too busy working. And to prove my point, about 45 minutes into the class I took a water break and glanced at my blackberry, only to find an urgent message from a client. So I had to step out of class for five minutes to call the client, call a reporter, and deal with a work matter. Then I reentered the other world and finished the workout.

I think I’ll go back to the class next week, because I like the workout and I enjoyed the chance to step outside myself. Maybe if I do it often enough I might find a way to feel a part of the suburban mom life, instead of just feeling like an interloper.

A night alone

Last night hubby and I had the house to ourselves. The boys’ day camp took both of them on an overnight, so from 9:30 Thursday until 3:30 Friday, we were free of children. For a couple without family around to take the kids for us, this was huge!

But of course we had to work, so we didn’t really get to take advantage until late afternoon. But then we did. We went out, we went for a walk, went for drinks, went for dinner, then went to a baseball game. With no kids. And we didn’t have to race home for a sitter.

But the best part, of course, was this morning. We slept in. Okay, we only slept in about 20 minutes later than usual, but I think it’s the first time we’ve been able to do that in years.

I hope the boys had fun on their overnight, because I know we did.

A day away from the kiddies

I had yesterday off from being the mommy and got to be just an adult. And I’m trying to decide if I feel guilty about that. I don’t think I do.

I left the house before they woke up and didn’t come home until about 4:30pm. I loved having time to just be an adult, but today I’m sun and wind burnt a bit, so perhaps Karma is trying to tell me I should spend more time being a mommy and less time being an adult.

Do you feel guilty when you have time away from the family? I think my guilt used to be much more acute when the kids were babies. There were things only mommy could do — never mind breastfeeding — I mean stuff like the right kind of cuddles, and feeding them healthy food, and throwing the baseball (I’m nothing if not a renaissance woman!). But my boys spend a lot of time away from me now, when they’re in school or daycare. And when I go to work, I get to be an adult. Although I get to be the kind of adult who doesn’t get to enjoy her own time then, but at least I can eat lunch all by myself.

But yesterday I got to be just a woman, not a mommy at all. I spent the day in a boat on the Delta Slough, umpiring a rowing regatta. I used to row myself (you know, the Silken Laumann kind of rowing). But I stopped a few years back because while I like it a lot, it takes me three hours to go row, and in that I only get a one-hour workout. I just need to be more efficient with my time these days. But I trained to be an umpire when I was pregnant with my first, thinking it was a good way to stay involved with the sport. So now I do a couple races a year, just to keep my umpire license valid.

And yesterday was a glorious day to be a rowing umpire. Sunny, warm, on the water. And as an umpire, I get to yell a lot and all the rowers fear and revere me. Who wouldn’t love that?

And then I got home, and the kids didn’t quite fear or revere me. But they did cuddle with me. And frankly, that I missed in my being-an-adult day, so it was great to get it in the end.

Now I just need to go find some lotion for the sunburn.